Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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