if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
