Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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