so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
