I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
