so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
