I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
