do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
