The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
