I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
