I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
