Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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