remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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