Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
