This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
