somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
