I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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