Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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