Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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