One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
