Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
