If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
