Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There r osticjed everywhere
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
