I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
