mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
