and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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