That's intense
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
