dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
