the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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