he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
