Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dicks are not precious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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