i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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