we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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