In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
