They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
