you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
