Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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