so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
