May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
