Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
