i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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