1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
