Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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