It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
