New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
