what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
