i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there's paper in my vomit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
