I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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