is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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