I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
